that awkward moment “wen”…

My girl Brenda recently gifted me with a bottle of Wen shampoo. She has a beautiful, generous heart and she knows that I’m a cheapity-cheap-cheap and would never spring for it.  Let’s be real, she’s probably also tired of seeing me look like a scallywag.  I have a great Pinterest board “can’t you do something with your hair?” and it is fantastic.  soft curls, beach waves, messy up-do’s, model straight, you know, you’ve got one of your own.  You probably actually take the ideas and do them though.  Me…  I like to imagine that I have “wash n wear” hair.  Except I don’t.  Except I don’t care.  One time I ran across a Pin that said “easy hairstyles in 20 min or less” and I thought that was so cute, because I don’t spend 20 minutes putting my whole entire self together in the morning.  15 year old Lydia is so ashamed of me.

In my most perfect world, there is a product out there that will allow me to go days and days without ever having to wash my hair. I know – there is… it’s called a hat or a scarf, I have LOTS of them and live for winter when I can wear a beanie every day (that’s one of the only times you’ll ever hear the words “I live for winter” coming out of my mouth.  Or fingers as this case may be).  I want something that just keeps my hair from being (looking) dirty.  I fell for the trick, again with the Pinterest, where you can supposedly wash your hair with baking soda and apple cider vinegar and once your scalp “heals” from years of commercialized shampoo (read: chemicals) your hair will be soft as a baby chick and, these “pinners” claim, you can eventually get to the place where you’re only needing to wash your hair once a week OR LESS.  Here’s what I have to say about that: liars.  Ok, so they probably aren’t, they are probably just luckier ducks than I am and that is ok.  It is.  Really.  I’ve heard claims that Wen will also bring about the same results.  Doubtful

But here is the thing, the whole point I’ve been trying to get to: the stuff smells AMAZING.  It’s mint and almond and if there is something that smells better than almond (other than babies little noggins) I don’t know what it is (other than roasted leg of lamb or the ocean or piney-woods).  I got all this pressure in my head as soon as I took a whiff of that stuff and it smelled so delicious, because I knew what was going to happen next.  I’d have to taste it.  Oh.my.word.  When I was little and playing with Play-Doh, I would always have to taste it.  It smelled so salty and yummy and I knew, absolutely knew from the last 23 times, that it would taste way yuck.  That never stopped me.  I would bet you cash money that if you handed me a little yellow container of fresh un-crusty Play-Doh right this minute… I would taste it.  And it’d be yuck.  So, I’m in the shower and I’ve got a couple squirts (seriously, Wen? 15-20 for “short or fine hair??) of the minty-almond goodness in my hand and sure enough, then some is on the tip of my tongue.  I had no control.

This is where it gets weird. I tried it again.  and then a 3rd time.  I didn’t even want to tell you that, but Jesus won’t let my conscience be all “oh yeah, I accidently got some in my mouth and it wasn’t that terrible, who knew?!”.  Who does that?  I hope we can still be friends.  It was kind of good, it left a cool minty patch on my tongue and it’s a great relief to know that if I ever get uncontrollably hungry in the shower, I wouldn’t have to go to all the hassle of getting out, drying off, getting dressed, cooking food.  One time I was trapped in a very small bathroom for about 3 hours while my Momma and Sisters laughed and visited and ate snacks and assumed that I had taken myself off to bed because, and I quote “she’s a party pooper and always goes to bed early” ok, that’s kind of true, but at 7p on a pre-ordained, let’s stay up way too late eating and laughing and talking??  Thanks everyone for caring.  I was in complete and total hysterics for a little while, but then I realized that if you’re going to be trapped in a 4×8 room, it might as well be a bathroom because of running water and, well… you know…  I tried to find and dispatch any spiders (it was a cabin in the woods) and then laid down and rested until the Momma and Sisters came back inside needing to use said bathroom.  Too bad I didn’t have any expensive minty-almond not too bad tasting shampoo that night.

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“that awkward moment “wen”…”

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